303: Margaux's Benevolence as an Island Zephyr
Margaux Peacocke
FEATURED WORDS:
Margaux's synonyms to self: shadow (n.), journaling (v.), sunny (adj.)
Margaux's words: Likes: wonder (n.) Dislikes: belligerent (adj.)
Wish's synonyms for Margaux: breeze (n.), fulfilling (v.), compassionate (adj.)
Essential word from this episode: evocation (n.)
EPISODE SUMMARY:
"I don't actually think that there are really bad people. I think there are some people who do bad things, but I don't think there are really bad people." - Margaux.
Motherly kindness is a treasure. My sunny mum-in-law, Margaux, exuberates this. She is one of the best listeners, and it's now her turn to talk about her beautiful memories of her life, her family, and her prosperous career at a time when being a woman means being boxed to a limited list of vocations. Please tune in and feel her warmth while picturing the beautiful Waiheke Island, New Zealand, where she currently lives.
MAIN TOPICS:
00:00 - Episode intro
04:12 - Margaux's intro
04:53 - Convincing a shadow to become the centre of attention
05:30 - Margaux's childhood bloom
06:59 - Mother and daughter dynamics
10:31 - Margaux's mum's most valuable advice
13:13 - Like mother, like daughter
14:29 - More nostalgic childhood stories
17:11 - Margaux's adventurous career & motherhood
33:18 - Margaux's nuggets of wisdom
38:55 - My wedding memories with Margaux
43:10 - Margaux's love of books
46:37 - Margaux's new project
50:38 - Margaux's important word to share 5
2:10 - Wish's important words to share
54:25 - Outro
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
QUOTABLE QUOTES
"I would walk sometimes for miles and miles on my own as a little girl, and I had all sorts of little adventures. And that sense of freedom has probably driven how I parented and what I have aspired to be as an adult, really giving myself the freedom to do that but also encouraging other people to have the freedom to be independent and not so worry so much about the things that could go wrong. Because anything can go wrong anytime."
"I guess the sunny that I talked about at the beginning is the trying to be positive and give people the benefit of the doubt and the trusting of people. Doesn't matter what anybody else says about them, but trusting them until from personal experience, that they're untrustworthy, perhaps. But very frequently, those people aren't trustworthy with you because you've treated them differently."
"Get things out. They're just beginning to play on your mind or annoy you or something, and you just let it all out. Sometimes having a good cry. Just get it out. And then you can start pulling yourself together again. But sometimes it's necessary, and it's often very helpful to have somebody who you can quite as satisfying doing it in a little room on your own."
"... when I put journeying as my verb, that's one of the ways I journey is through reading..."
"So if somebody reacts badly or it sounds as if it's coming across in a way that you don't like to hear, give them a bit of leeway because there might be a good reason for that. And if there's not, see if you can find a way of forgiving them anyway."
"Most people, looking back at their childhood, see it as a misty country half-forgotten or only to be remembered through an evocative sound or scent, but some episodes of those short years remain clear and brightly coloured like a landscape seen through the wrong end of a telescope.” - D.E. Stevenson
REFERENCES FROM TODAY'S CONVERSATION
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Wish 00:00:01
As humans, we are all defined by several synonyms or words representing who we are to ourselves and others. Hence, this is for you. Hello, dear humanity. Welcome to season three of Human Thesaurus. I'm your host-slash-steady, Wish Ronquillo Peacocke. Human Thesaurus is an intersection between a vast lexicon and what best describes our human nature. It's my conversation to highlight people like you and me, reflecting on their own embodiment of their stories with the synonyms of themselves. With this podcast, I chat with my fascinating friends and acquaintances, who I love to talk to about everything under the sun. It's like catching up with them in a cafe or over cocktails. And here you are eavesdropping on our conversations while we explore what words define who they authentically are. And this season, I'll throw in special episodes with deep-dive human elements. So watch out for this exciting expansion of my pod. Subscribe now.
Wish 00:01:17
Margaux, my mother-in-law, lives on a beautiful island of Waiheke in the north of New Zealand. Living there suits her as she enjoys outdoor activities and being part of a small community. She likes the way that in small communities, people wrap themselves around others, not only in support, but also to create fun. There are numerous events and festivals that are held on Waiheke, mainly raising funds for good causes or creating opportunities for diverse interest groups. So soon after moving there from mainland Auckland, she realized that if she wanted to attend any of these activities, that she needed to get involved too. Without volunteers, these community events can't happen. She then discovers that it can be so much fun working with a group to make something special happen that gives pleasure or opens up opportunities to others. She no longer works in the corporate world, so she has time to indulge in some of these feel-good projects. And it's quite a contrast of lifestyles, but she's so natural with it. I met Margaux, of course, through my husband, and she's such a great mom to me from the get-go, from the first time I've met her. She's very warm and I don't have my parents anymore, so having her by my side gives me enough confidence that I'm loved that I have someone to turn to because I've got a lot of mood swings. But she's always there. She's very thoughtful of everyone around her, so I'm just so grateful to have her in my life. She's so active. She's stronger and more energetic than I will ever, ever do. She walks in Waiheke, especially during Saturday. She walks like an hour from a beach to another. I can't keep up with her. I needed to pause going upwards towards the hill, like zigzaggy trails, because I needed to keep up with her, but I can't. She's that energetic, and I always admire her about all of these strength and internally, externally and all of these things. I'm just very grateful to have her in my life. My synonyms for Margaux are breeze as a noun, fulfilling as a verb, and compassionate as an adjective. Within this conversation, you'll further understand why I describe her as such. So here she is, Margaux Peacocke!
Margaux 00:04:12
Hello. My name is Margaux. Same as the words shadow as a noun, journeying as a verb, and sunny as an adjective. I like the word wonder and dislike the word belligerent.
Wish 00:04:37
Thank you, mom. Oh, my gosh. Finally, I got to convince you to be on my show. Thank you so much. How are you? How is it going?
Margaux 00:04:53
Oh, it's good. Yes. I don't know how I let you convince me to do this, because it's not really my comfortable place. I don't like being in the spotlight, which is, I guess, why I chose the word shadow.
Wish 00:04:53
Yeah, I was wondering about that...
Margaux 00:04:53
One of the reasons. The other is because I prefer to listen than to talk. And I like listening because I like to know what other people are thinking and listening for their ideas. Because I'm quite curious.
Wish 00:05:30
Yes, you are. You're always very curious. You're always listening and very interested with others. What do you think made you become this person, the beautiful person that you are? Is there something from your childhood that created this? What do you think made you grow, really?
Margaux 00:05:53
Because as a child, you think everybody is the same as yourself, really, and that their families are the same. But I had very wonderful set of grandparents who lived on Waiheke, and it's probably the reason that I wanted to live here, because it's my happy place, and they were the people who made it my happy place. I absolutely adored them. I don't know really why I adored them so much, but I guess it was that unconditional love. And the holidays that I had with them here were always very special. And I also have a wonderful mother myself. So it's the daughter of these grandparents, and she is a great mum, I should say. Not in the past tense. She's still alive. And I guess it was always unconditional love. You knew that she loved you, and she still liked that with everybody.
Wish 00:06:59
Yes, that's true. That's true. If you don't mind me asking, because I lost my mom at 27 years old, and I can't imagine having a mom for a long, long, longer time. You're seeing her at an old stage, pretty much older stage in life. And does that change the dynamic between mother and daughter at all? Because I have no idea. Growing older with your mother, I think.
Margaux 00:07:37
Probably the dynamics change at different stages of your life. I think that there is probably one stage when you're a child, and then it changes when you become a teenager, and then it changes when you develop an adult relationship with your mother. Probably the same with both parents, but let's talk about mothers. And that's quite different from the childhood relationship. But we've always had a good relationship and in fact I wasn't too difficult as a teenager because I didn't feel that there was anything much that I wanted to rebel against. I guess she gave me enough freedom and guidance that I didn't feel that I had to fight her which is lovely because we've never fought but just in recent times that relationships changed again. She's turned 100 recently, but let me think. She was driving until she was about 94. And once she gave up driving, her world got smaller and she depended on me to take her places, whether it was to the doctor or shopping or any of those things. So she started to becoming more dependent on me, whether she had before then been a completely independent woman and enjoyed being independent. Loved it, in fact. Finds it hard not to be. And then she never got comfortable with computers. And so as checks disappeared and you had to have internet banking, she's relied on me more and more for quite personal things, really, that she was very proud to be able to manage on her own. And so now, when it comes to sort of bureaucratic things like banking or
Wish 00:07:37
bills phone bills.
Margaux 00:07:37
Yes. Or recently she's moved into care so closing accounts with various companies, she would have done all that on her own until just recently and so it's changed again. But I'm also very aware that she's an independent woman and she deserves to be given as much responsibility for herself as she can cope with. And that's always an interesting balance, because you'll get people looking at her and thinking she's an older woman. So they talk to me and I say, no, you ask my mother. She's quite capable of answering your questions.
Wish 00:10:31
Yeah. So what's the biggest advice, the most valuable advice that grandma that you've gotten from her?
Margaux 00:10:44
Well, I don't think she gives advice she probably shows that she's a great example and such a great example I don't think I'd ever be able to live up to that example even when she's old and tired, she's been fiercely independent and wanting to be able to cope with everything in life. She doesn't give up and she's quite pragmatic about situations that she finds herself in. If she can't change them, she will work out a way of living with it rather than fighting against it which is very interesting observation because most people, they just get frustrated or angry or the normal human response. She thinks about things and she'll find a way of getting around the issue, whatever it is. One example I can think of was her skin has got very tender, I guess and so sometimes when people shower her, they dry her by rubbing, as most of us do. We rub with a towel, but that causes her to bruise. Yeah, the way she gets the message across to the people without them feeling uncomfortable that they've bruised her is just beautiful, really. She's just so lovely with them, teaching them to be gentle with her without making them feel bad that they've done something that actually caused her pain or bruising. And so they listen to that because it's so beautiful. And she's made them feel special
Wish 00:10:44
and respected.
Margaux 00:10:44
They do what she wants. Yeah.
Wish 00:12:40
So how about you when you became an adult and until now...
Margaux 00:12:46
I haven't become an adult yet because I'm waiting until I don't have any parents.
Wish 00:12:50
That's kind of true. That's what I always say. You're not truly an adult until you lose your parents. That's in my experience. But all throughout these years, as you became a mother, et cetera, hopefully a grandma at some point.
Margaux 00:13:09
It would be nice. Yes.
Wish 00:13:13
It would be nice. Yes. I'm blushing at the moment. What made you stop? Times like, oh, my gosh, I'm becoming like my mother. Do you have those moments? And what are those moments if you can remember these kind of special realisations?
Margaux 00:13:33
When I was little, I spent a lot of time here on Waiheke. So there were people who had known my mother since she was a girl because she was brought up down here. So from as early as I can remember, people have said to me, oh, you must be Winsome's daughter. So I've always thought that I've been like my mother, even though they can live up to her high standards.
Wish 00:14:07
So you're like at the doble? What's that doppelganger? Everybody reminds you of Winsome then?
Margaux 00:14:19
Well, not so much these days, but certainly when I was a little dressed as something that I lived with or learned to live with.
Wish 00:14:29
Tell me more about your childhood. It's something that we don't really discuss much about, but yes, I've heard bits and pieces here and there, but can you tell me more who Margaux is? When she was a kid.
Margaux 00:14:45
I was very shy, which is partly the shadow business. And that's because I guess I'm naturally an introvert. Although in the corporate world you can't be an introvert. So I had to find ways around that.
Wish 00:15:02
Yes.
Margaux 00:15:04
And if you want to learn enough, you do. The most precious moments of my childhood were down here at Waiheke, and it was all about being with the grandparents that I adored and having their trust enough to give me an amazing amount of freedom. I don't know whether they realised or deliberately did this, but in those days there weren't very many people down here. You weren't worried about strangers or anything like that? I don't think I was ever told. But I understood that you went outside after breakfast and you didn't come back till the next meal. And then you went outside and came back for the next meal. And if you didn't come back, then somebody might think, oh, I wonder where Margaux is. Perhaps be something. But because I got hungry, I guess I always came back. But I would walk sometimes for miles and miles on my own as a little girl, and I had all sorts of little adventures. And that sense of freedom has driven probably how I parented and what I have aspired to be as an adult, really giving myself the freedom to do that, but also encouraging other people to have the freedom to be independent and not so worry so much about the things that could go wrong. Because anything can go wrong anytime. You don't need to be going out and entering for things to go wrong. Most accidents happen in the home.
Wish 00:16:47
That's right. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Well, you're very cute as a kid, too, because I saw some of the photos. So cute.
Margaux 00:17:02
I'm like a shadow as a child, though, I was the youngest and the quietest, and I wasn't a son.
Wish 00:17:11
And then in the corporate world, can you tell me more about career wise, as an introvert? You're in marketing, right? Can you tell me more about that? Did you enjoy that a lot? How did you get into it during your period when you were working?
Margaux 00:17:29
Well, I'll go back a little earlier than that. I was old enough that when I was thinking about careers, there were things that girls were allowed to do and things that boys did. There wasn't much crossover.
Wish 00:17:45
Right.
Margaux 00:17:46
And I wasn't very interested in anything that the girls were allowed to do. So I can remember we had at secondary school a woman who just for a couple of hours after school, I think one day a week, she would talk to people if they weren't asked questions about careers. So I went to see her, and I said, Look, I can't think what I want to do. And she handed me an a four sheet of paper with typing on it. And it was all the careers that girls could do nursing, librarian, teaching, typing, all those nursing, all those sorts of things. And I said, there's nothing on this list that I get excited about.
Wish 00:18:33
Yeah.
Margaux 00:18:34
And she grumpily said, okay, then write down all the ones that you don't want to do. So that was pretty hopeless. So I don't know why I thought about this, but I thought that I might like to be an occupational therapist. And so I talked to my parents about that, and they thought probably that I was too sensitive to do the training that was done in what those days was a place where people with those sorts of difficulties were put in institutions. So they lived there, so the mentally affected people and that sort of thing. And I think they thought that I wouldn't be able to cope with that emotionally. So I ended up going to train as a teacher. And as I was going through that training, the idea of teaching intellectually handicapped children special needs children, they call them these days, caught my attention. And so at university, that's what I specialised on. But in specialising, I realizsd that we knew nothing about New Zealand. There's nobody with any real knowledge and possibly I should have pursued that and gone overseas and studied and come back and did something. But I'd probably met "a man" by then. So I taught for a year and then we went over overseas. I came back expecting my first baby. And you couldn't get a job as a teacher if you were pregnant or having young children? They wouldn't allow it at that stage.
Wish 00:20:35
Wow, okay.
Margaux 00:20:36
And so I ended up having three little babies, including your lovely husband.
Wish 00:20:42
Yes. Thank you.
Margaux 00:20:45
And when I was ready to get my teeth back into it I went back to the thought of teaching special needs children and realized that I didn't think I could be a good mum and a good teacher because when I had taught it took up all my thinking time. I was always thinking about little so and so down the back, her needs or his needs or whatever. Now, what could I do to get her excited or what could I do to just draw this little one out? And I was looking through the world with teacher's eyes and I thought that's not fair on children to your own children to have a mum who's trying to do two jobs that don't really work so well together, or not as the way I did it anyway. I always thought I was 24 hours day teacher and didn't have anything left. So a friend told me about a job that was being a teacher at the airport and it was used for teaching outside the classroom, they called it. So teachers would take their class on an outing for some different sort of learning, something that perhaps they didn't know about much about. So I applied for it because it gave me the holidays off and it was only school hours so I could be home for the children.
Wish 00:22:17
Yeah.
Margaux 00:22:18
And I took this role on quite seriously because I thought I know nothing about airports, I know nothing about the science of how planes can fly. I don't know anything about how they work from up in the control tower or how they manage in New Zealand to stop introduced insects or guests going into the country. It was like a new world for me. I thought, well, most teachers probably don't know about that. So if I can make material that helps them so that they can impart information to children, maybe I'm doing the teachers a favour as well as the children. So I put quite a bit of effort into that. And in the meantime, the government that owned the airport decided that they were going to make it like a business. They called them Air New Zealand at that time, state-owned enterprises where the state owned them, but they were run as corporates.
Wish 00:23:25
Right.
Margaux 00:23:26
So we got a chief executive and the chief executive at some stage must have asked somebody who's an expert on this airport who would know. I'm new to this place. I've not worked on an airport before. How that I can understand it. Everybody scratched their head because each one had their own area of expertise, perhaps, but no one had an overview. And somebody said, oh, this is a lady who comes in sometimes, she said something. I got a message given to me when I was out with a group of kids, maybe a whole school or a whole class or whatever. The chief executives wanted to see me now until I sent a message saying back, I'm busy now. I've got a class of children. I'll come and find out what you want when it suits me, sort of.
Wish 00:24:28
Yes, women!
Margaux 00:24:29
This is the introvert that I'm talking about. And so I got the message. Well, can you bring up any information that you've got? So I had this huge file of information, yes. And I sent that up. And he must have had a PR man or somebody who was going to do some work for him, who looked at this and was gobsmacked. I think from there on, life changed because they could see that I could write because I'd written a whole lot of programs. They could see that I understood what was going on and that I was curious about things, all that stuff. So they asked me if I would help this fellow write up some stuff. And so I said to him, look, can I write it? You give me the brief of what you want. Can I write it? And then can you critique it so that I can learn?
Wish 00:25:37
Right.
Margaux 00:25:39
That's how it all started, really. And then the chief executive only told me years ago that it really riled and that I only worked part-time, but he actually never asked me if I'd work full-time. It was only later that it happened, but no one asks. So eventually I sort of moved away from what I'd been doing and did a lot more public relations type things. But because we were breaking new ground, we got into all sorts of things, like changing the culture of the place, which had been very male-dominated and very military-dominated after the war. The people who got into jobs, places like airports, were people who had been in the military, okay? They were all focused on the rules. And airports had lots of rules for safety and for government set rules. And so the whole place was based around getting people to obey the rules and work through the rules. There's nothing to do with the service or the experience of being there or whatever. The rules were more important than the people.
Wish 00:26:53
Right?
Margaux 00:26:53
I was involved in trying to turn that 'round so that people were more their experience was as important as the rules being obeyed because they obviously had to be obeyed. But you can do it in ways that you might get technology to help with or you ask in a different way. It's not you can't do that. You do it in a completely different way. So we changed their uniforms from military-type uniforms, which was very difficult because they liked their military uniform, stripes on them, whole military thing, and buttons, buttons on the shoulder. And so it was quite hard because they didn't actually want to do that. But they discovered really quickly when the uniforms were changed that people started speaking to them nicely, being treated like traffic officers that we had that were always growling at you because you parked or you're going too fast and they spoke to you. They were always, I'm right and you're wrong, and wouldn't listen to any excuses or anything. So we had to change the tone. So I was involved in that quite early on, which was fun. And then what were some of the other things? The newspaper at that time used to put in a column of all the ships coming into Auckland and all the aircraft that were flying on. Very out of date now, but they decided that they weren't going to do that anymore. I guess there were more flights coming in and more ships and people weren't so interested anymore, but it meant that we had to let people know when planes were coming or whatever, so that you'd know what time they were coming. So we started a radio station.
Wish 00:29:08
Really? Oh, my goodness.
Margaux 00:29:13
There's no internet, there's no cell phones, there's not an app. You can do it so that they could tell you what flights were on time and all of that sort of thing. And so I helped set up a radio and I did write some of that, and so that was quite interesting.
Wish 00:29:34
Wow.
Margaux 00:29:35
Then we were doing quite a lot of renovations in the international terminal that were being disruptive. So I decided that we should start a newspaper so that everybody who worked on the airport and even the taxi drivers coming to the airport would know what we were doing and why.
Wish 00:29:57
Yeah.
Margaux 00:29:58
Because otherwise I thought people might say things like, oh, they're always doing things, whereas if they were knowledgeable and could say, well, I work out there, so I know what's going on, and I can tell you that this is what they're doing and it's going to be good because you got a completely different attitude.
Wish 00:30:22
Word-of-mouth marketing.
Margaux 00:30:25
Yes. And having people proud to be at the work at the airport because they knew what was going on and they knew what was going on in various different departments. So I could do the rounds, having made all the contacts in all the different companies. When I started off with learning about the airport, because that curiosity had come in, I'd ring up, let's say, Air New Zealand, where they had their engineering plant, and ring and say, I'd like to come and talk to somebody about what you do down there. I found that everybody loves talking about their job. You could ring up the control tower. Can I come and visit and see what you do?
Wish 00:31:07
Oh my gosh. So fun.
Margaux 00:31:11
It was fun. So that was how I got that information in the first place. But I'd also developed some context so I could find out what was going on for writing the newspaper, things like that. There were quite a lot more, but I won't go on and on. So the job just grew bigger and bigger because every time something else came up that I thought, I haven't done that before, can I do that?
Wish 00:31:36
Oh, yes.
Margaux 00:31:37
I just kept getting bigger and bigger until I had to work full-time. Really.
Wish 00:31:42
Oh, I see. Wow. So that's why I was wondering, why were you good at chronicling and archiving, the family's history, the details you even remember when my mom and dad passed. So you check up on me during those times. I'm always in full awe how much you can keep tabs of all of these things from the future, from the present, and also the past, most especially. And no wonder because it's really like in you. It's naturally you. It's embedded in you, in your personality to be very curious, but also to remember these details and applying it in such brilliant ways. And it's so great for me to hear more about your story because you always listen about us like, I'm having a bad day, I'm having a good day. This is the drama, this is the gossip and all of these things. So now understanding you better just makes me appreciate and love you more and more and more. It's just, wow, you've got an awesome career track like Career History. Wow.
Margaux 00:33:13
I'm speechless.
Wish 00:33:18
Also, apart from your amazing career that I just heard, you're also such a great mom and daughter. So what are some nuggets of wisdom can you impart to the younger generation about life in general?
Margaux 00:33:39
I don't give wisdom much, I don't think.
Wish 00:33:42
Yes, you do. More than you ever know. Yes, you do. You always do to me.
Margaux 00:33:47
I guess the sunny that I talked about at the beginning is the trying to be positive and give people the benefit of the doubt and the trusting of people. Doesn't matter what anybody else says about them, but trusting them until from personal experience that they're untrustworthy, perhaps. But very frequently those people aren't trustworthy with you because you've treated them differently. It's those sorts of things and letting things just slide like water off a duck's back. Because you can think about people in different ways. You can listen to what somebody says and think, gosh, they're rude today. Or you can think something's happened with them, they're not very happy today. I'll just give them an easy road or I'll just be a bit gentle with them because something is disturbing them. See if I can just make life a little easier for them I find people are pretty good to deal with, really.
Wish 00:35:03
Because you're good. You're patient and good, and you listen.
Margaux 00:35:09
I do try and listen. Because you can learn so much from listening.
Wish 00:35:13
That's true.
Margaux 00:35:14
I don't mean just keeping quiet. I mean actively listening.
Wish 00:35:17
Yes. In line with that, I've kind of learned that in my 20s as well, that no matter what your impression with any other people, whether they're even really good or really bad, you can learn something from them. You can always pick up something from each person. So you have to just really give it a chance.
Margaux 00:35:41
But I don't actually think that there are really bad people. I think there are some people who do bad things, but I don't think there are really bad people. Some people have had really difficult upbringings or had trauma in their lives or whatever, but I don't know. I'm the optimist, I guess. I don't seem to think that they're bad through and through, but goodness on people.
Wish 00:36:09
That's a good mindset to have. I think it gives you more peaceful stance in life, thinking that way. Not being, let's say, not even judgmental. Not being yeah. Cynicism. I think that stresses everybody nowadays. So if switching just a little bit of that mindset into something like yours, I think it gives you, like, what you're saying as well. One of the major words that I've been picking up over and over is that sense of freedom. That freedom. So I think we owe ourselves and each other that giving each other that benefit of the doubt for us to free ourselves of something unnecessary to think about instead of focus, instead focusing on good things.
Margaux 00:37:13
Because makes you feel better, too, I think.
Wish 00:37:17
Yeah, that's right. It does, actually. It does. You've given me a lot of these things. Sometimes I just have to run through in our conversations. I just needed to run all of the things in my head, verbalize it with you, and then in the end, I feel better because I can unbundle it because you're actively listening. And then you're giving me feedback, and then you're putting me on the ground and just really like, okay, yeah, that's a better way of thinking about things. And then after a conversation, I always have this smile on my face like, oh, I feel much better. And it's not just feeling much better. It's really you have a better frame of mind. That's what you give to the world.
Margaux 00:38:07
Sometimes I think we all have to just go blow.
Wish 00:38:10
Yes.
Margaux 00:38:12
Get things out. They're just beginning to play on your mind or annoy you or something, and you just let it all out. Sometimes having a good cry. Just get it out. And then you can start pulling yourself together again. But sometimes it's necessary, and it's often very helpful to have somebody who you can quite as satisfying doing it in a little room on your own.
Wish 00:38:45
Absolutely. That's so right.
Margaux 00:38:50
I can cope with people who just have to let it all out.
Wish 00:38:55
Yeah, I remember. This is just recently I'm going to share it with you in connection with this in line with this conversation. I was talking to Luke about the wedding. We were watching something on TV and I said at least our mindset with our wedding planning was so good that it didn't make me become a bridezilla or whatsoever. It's like I didn't have any massive meltdowns or whatever. And then he said, that's not true. I was like, really? You remember it differently. And then he said that you had one meltdown when your wedding gown arrived in New Zealand. You were in such meltdown because the gown was a little bit ruined, it wasn't packed properly and you were in such a meltdown. I was like, yeah, that's just one, right? It's like yes. And then, so in line with that, I had that meltdown. But you were there the entire time. All along. You were such a peaceful soul. You were so calm that in the end, you helped me solve it, that in the end, I calmed down as well. In the end...
Margaux 00:40:14
It wasn't like much of a meltdown.
Wish 00:40:17
I can't remember much, to be honest with you.
Margaux 00:40:21
This beautiful, magnificent, most creative, you call it a gown even work of art arrived in the post and the packaging had all broken, so there were bits of it sticking out here and there, whether it had torn or ruined completely or whatever. And you didn't really have a meltdown at all. And I could see your face and I'm thinking, now, how am I feeling? So he got it out and got it so that we could see if there was any damage done. And there really wasn't much damage. And we hung it up and let it hang for a while. And then I think we've got something, too, so that
Wish 00:40:21
we had to steam it.
Margaux 00:40:21
Steam it so that it was all right. But I thought you cope with that marvelously well. Because it was just so awful.
Wish 00:41:34
I was so devastated. So I think, like, Luke kind of remembered it differently, too. I can't remember much. It's just flashes of what I can remember. But what I could fully remember was that you were there and you were very calm and, yes, you were in awe of the gown while I was devastated. But in the end, we unbundled the situation and then we found someone who could help us in the city. Yeah, but your sense of calm always helps me to just unbundle unfurl things and make myself less emotional, but more productive.
Margaux 00:42:19
But it wasn't going to help either of us. And we both sit down.
Wish 00:42:34
Oh, my gosh. Yeah. It was a funny memory of the entire thing, I think. But, yes, you're always there. So that's why I'm confident that hopefully, at some point, when you have grandchildren, I'm ever so confident that, Mum, can you take care of the kids for at least a month?
Margaux 00:43:00
We will see.
Wish 00:43:04
Oh, my gosh. Look forward to that. That can happen. They're not cats, you know. Oh, my goodness. Yes. Okay, I'm gonna pull it back down. You're also a very good reader. You always take time to read, which I am procrastinating to get back into at the moment. So can you kind of share, like, what's the most impactful book that you can remember that made a mark on you?
Margaux 00:43:41
I just love books.
Wish 00:43:43
Yeah.
Margaux 00:43:43
I learned something from almost every book I read, but some books are just really intriguing and interesting. I read a lot of nonfiction as well as fiction, and it just leads me when I put journeying as my verb, that's one of the ways I journey is through reading, I suppose, especially with the nonfiction ones. I often have to go off and Google this and that or look up maps and all the rest to go to war or go for a journey on YouTube showing the area or something.
Margaux 00:44:25
Travel curiously
Speaker C 00:44:26
Yeah. Okay. I think that's really super hard then. How about any particular author that you always watch out for and make sure that you read their books?
Margaux 00:44:40
I always read Geraldine Brooks books. She often does a lot of research into her. So I like to learn something when I'm reading. So she's one that comes the top of my head that I like to read. All of whom that come out should look up at my bookcase. And there are lots of people whose writing I love. There are some New Zealand writers that I enjoy because not so much because I learn, but because it captures the essence of the country. And often with somebody like Patricia Grace, my childhood, who she lived near the beach, too, and so she captures something that takes me back. But I'm always interested to people from different cultures so that I try and get an insight into how people from different countries think or how they respond to different similar sets of circumstances. But their approach might be different.
Wish 00:45:49
Right? Yes, that's right. That's wonderful.
Margaux 00:45:54
South African writers or Chinese writers, it's quite insightful. Just and even sometimes American writers.
Wish 00:45:54
oh, yeah.
Margaux 00:45:54
Just read not so long ago a book called Crossroads by Franzen, I think surname is, and it was intriguing. It was a family story and intriguing and how they just didn't communicate with each other, and they didn't seem to have a set of common values.
Wish 00:45:54
Wow.
Margaux 00:45:54
On which to base the family. And I found that quite intriguing.
Wish 00:46:37
Yeah, that's quite complex. That sounds quite complex. Yeah. Well, thank you for that. And also, lastly, what community projects do you have in Waiheke right now that you're busy about?
Margaux 00:46:51
I'm thinking contemplating leading a walk for our walking festival, which takes place in a few months. I'm going out with one of the organizers next week because it's 100 years ago at the end of this year that my grandparents came down to Waiheke and didn't go home. My grandmother's mother had bought land and had her sons build her a little holiday home and my grandparents had come down for a holiday and pitched the tent. They had three little children, my mother being the youngest at that time, and they didn't go home.
Wish 00:47:30
Oh, wow.
Margaux 00:47:31
And that was right at the beginning of the development of Waiheke. So in this 100 years that I know about from either listening to the stories of my grandparents or what I've witnessed during my lifetime or what I've heard from my mother gives an given insight into the part of the island where they lived and a bit of an oversight on the island over that hundred years. And I just thought that might be quite interesting for some people to do a walk where we show places where the old shop that they bought was and how that was run in those days and how they got the produce and how he picked it up with his horse and cart from the boat.
Wish 00:48:21
Oh yeah.
Margaux 00:48:25
How the roads that they came in that went through a fence through a farm and so you had to get off and open the gate and close the gate along that road. It was before there was electricity of course. And then where they moved to after that and they ran it coincided they're moving with the Depression so they had to change their guest house so they could get some income from it and what that involved. And that they had cows that they grazed right along the hills behind Onetangi which is now covered in trees and houses, sheds and things. So it's quite different stories, a lot of stories on the way that I can tell and I've got some old photos to go with it. So just running that idea past one of the organizers to see whether they think it would be interesting enough and walk interesting enough. That's one of the things that I'm beginning to put my head around.
Wish 00:49:30
Oh, that sounds exciting. Let me know how you go. I remember we went to that house right in Onetangi like in the middle of the hill with a grey cat in there as well. That was the house right where Winsome grew up at. It's a zigzaggy road in Waihiki. We went there because you were researching.
Margaux 00:49:58
About was it where she grew up or where her grandmother had the place.
Wish 00:50:03
Where grandma had the place.
Margaux 00:50:06
Yeah. So that was the little place that they went to. And I've got a photo of my mother there. Nine months of age. Yes, this little cottage. Yes, of course. That great grandmother who I never met, she was a really interesting woman too. I've done some research on. She was a very independent woman.
Wish 00:50:31
Love it runs in the family.
Margaux 00:50:34
It does. Just seeing if there's a pattern.
Wish 00:50:38
There is, I think. Okay, so in closing, what's the word that you can impart to our listeners and why?
Margaux 00:50:49
Being forgiving, perhaps. So if somebody reacts badly or it sounds as if it's coming across in a way that you don't like to hear, give them a bit of leeway, because there might be a good reason for that. And if there's not, see if you can find a way of forgiving them anyway.
Wish 00:51:12
Yes, I love that. I love that. That's really good. It's very poignant. Mum, thank you so much for indulging me to be part of my show. Thank you for hanging out. It's always amazing to talk to you. I always grab new pieces to love and to care about and to think about. Thank you so much.
Margaux 00:51:39
Well, I've got to thank you so much, too, because we love having you in our family, and you've added a new dimension to our family, so you've given us as much as we've given you, I'm sure.
Wish 00:51:52
Oh, I love you, Mum. Thank you so much.
Margaux 00:51:56
Okay. Love you too.
Wish 00:52:10
From this episode, one of the most important words about life is evocation. It is the act of bringing or recalling a feeling, memory or image to the conscious mind. It's similar to words summons, connotation, semblance, whisper, inkling, flashback, recollection, nostalgia. Dorothy Emily Stevenson, a bestselling Scottish writer from the 1910s to the 70s, quoted: "Most people looking back at their childhood see it as a misty country, half-forgotten, or only to be remembered through an evocative sound or scent. But some episodes of those short years remain clear and brightly coloured, like a landscape seen through the wrong end of a telescope." End quote. We thrive on memories and nostalgia. As we look back to our past, we can pick up perspectives that we never, ever thought before. As time goes by, you keep on looking back and that memory will evolve into something more meaningful to you. It may be like that or it may be not, but I think it's essential for us to always look back in the past. Not to open up hurt or open up old wounds, but really to reflect on how far you've come. Sometimes we need that. And also, when you look back in your life, you have to think how amazing that you lived so richly. Or if not, then you can correct your course. That's a beautiful thing about our journey. We can look back. And also the most important thing is to look forward as well. And like what my mother-in-law said, it doesn't need a lot to be kind to be open to other people and create memories with them too. Thank you for listening to Human thesaurus please help me rate and subscribe because your support means a great deal. Join me again next week for another episode. And while waiting, why not listen to my past few episodes? You may find one of them spellbinding. I'm your host, Wish Ronquillo Peacocke. Have a fantastic day and thanks for listening.
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Licensed Music: Ketsa
Transcript: Voicequill.com
